Sometimes.. all i want to do is to be myself...
I'm tired.. tired of everything in this world.. no im not feeling suicidal.. jus that the facades and never ending backstabbing and battles in this world makes me feel so torn... I always tried to keep a happy face whenever i'm with my friends, my family, all those who know and love me.. yet.. whenever i slip back into the shadows, into a dark quiet corner.. the feeling of denial will once come back to me.. i would think "Why am i doing all these? Who am i doing all these for? Must everyone see me as some worthless person wearing a mask of facade just to please those near me?" Hello to those out there.. i have feelings too.. i have emotions.. i do get periods of self frustration and helplessness during which i do nothing but sit quietly in a corner and sulk to myself.. Do u seriously believe i am the person who have extreme high levels of tolerance to withstand all those things u throw at me? Am i the person who always look happy and cheerful to you, like i dont give a damn shit to what happens, that u hereby deduced i will never ever get upset, angry, or even insane?
I might seem like i have a never-ending supply of smiles and laughter.. those who know me might say i always look on the bright side, that i'm always the happi person in e midst of so many other ppl who might be feeling dark or upset.. But then again.. nothing is perfect.. i wanted to be a perfect person myself.. with no sadness, no anger, no hate.. I wanted to be the real me.. i want to be the one who made everyone's day, yet i wanted to be allowed to rave, to shout, to throw a tantrum whenever i'm unhappy or upset.. I beseech everyone to not treat me like some vacumm machine which can immediately suck up all ur insults and scathing comments, be them deliberate or not, without even feeling an inch of upset or anger.. If i really feel nothing towards all of these.. please refer me to the alien management committee, cos i'm definitely not human then..
Some ppl might say i'm soft, or whatever u want to describe me.. Some mistook me for a gal bfore(from the behind)... Be it whether i'm soft, or i act like a gal.. It's not up to YOU to question that fact, and think that it would be a joke to repeat what ppl might say about me more than 3 times in an hour.. So it's fine if u did that.. Please do not doubt my capabilities to do something.. I dont mind if u accompolish a task in a shorter span of time than me, but do not feel that i'm a totally worthless junk and imply that meaning indirectly by taking over my work.. If that's what u think about pitying me, i will say that u are looking down on me.. and trust me. i hate to be looked down upon.. if u think that i will never flare up, trust me i'm jus bottling all the negative feelings up, till the magnitude of them becomes tantamount to that of an atomic bomb and then explode..
Sigh, yet now i'm still trying to be myself.. The point is, please treat me more like a human, not a storage device for ur insults.. I dont mind insults, but i dun think anyone can tolerate an excessive amount of negative comments thrown to them.. I shall on the other hand, continue to play my part in this society.. Anyone that feels unhappy or upset can come find me.. I'm still a great listener.. (:
left silently at ... 2:02 PM
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` Me.
`*dEnnis*`
`*seventeen*`
`*01121989*`
`*NgeeAnnPolytechnic*`
`*dennis_cheng51@hotmail.com*`
